Another week has gone by which means it’s time for another blog. Last week started off just like the weather…dull!
Monday I was expecting a call from the job centre about job seeker’s allowance, they told me to expect a call any time between 12:30 and 7:30 which meant spending all day waiting for the phone to ring, luckily I’d ordered Metal Gear Solid 2 off eBay for a fiver and it came that day, so I had something to pass the time with. When they finally rang they continued to ask me more stupid questions, one question being my age and another was asking if I was a pensioner, I guess that would only work if you were trying to catch somebody out. Anyway I have an interview tomorrow which should determine whether I qualify for JSA or not.
On Tuesday I got up to hear a knock at the door, it was the postman delivering my graphics tablet. I excitedly set it up and spent a few minutes trying it out…well that few minutes turned into the majority of the day and by 6pm I decided that maybe I should have some breakfast or tea or whatever.
I’m getting more and more excited about this photo restoration business, I’ve been restoring some more old photos and I was going to upload a few to show you, but unfortunately I’ve just closed Photoshop and I can’t be bothered to open it up again to change the images to jpegs so I’ll just upload the one for now. I’ll try and scan the original so you can do a before and after thingy, the thing you have to remember though is that this photo was a passport photo so it was the size of a stamp and the dust and creases were huge.
On Thursday I decided that I couldn’t see and that it was time for me to get my hair cut. I went to my usual place only to find that they were running late, the old woman sat next to me said that they were ages doing one lady’s hair, I looked only to see it was my mum. At this point I felt like I’d been set up, my mum had been nagging at me for weeks to get my hair cut shorter and I had the feeling that my haircut was about to go horribly wrong.All the time I was having my hair cut I had the feeling that my mum had had a word in the hairdresser’s ear, but it went ok until it got to the final bits, my mum had already left and the hairdresser combed my hair over my eyes as she did the bits at the back…
“I’ll just trim the bits at the back for you…” “Ok…” “Last time, didn’t we shave the…*BZZZZZZ*…side bits?” “No!!!…” “…Sorry…”
As I pushed my hair out of my eyes I saw the hair from the left side of my head floating down to the ground, I felt like stopping her from doing the right side too but that would just look stupid so in the end I let her. (Un)Surprisingly my mum loves my hair like this, but I thoroughly hate it, maybe after a week or so it’ll settle down a bit, or at least I hope it will.
Annoyed at my haircut I decided I’d go into Solihull and try and take my mind off my hair while avoiding any kind of reflection at the same time. As I was about to start out my phone rang, it was Gaz asking if I fancied going into Birmingham to help him find a suit, so I decided I’d go to Birmingham instead.
When we got there we looked just about everywhere for Moss Bros. All we could find was some suit shop in the Pavilions who pointed us down new street. In the end we found the right shop and had a look round, it was rather expensive so Gaz chose to buy one ex-hire instead of brand new. As he was trying on a suit I was stood outside the changing area holding his jacket, this middle aged man comes up and decides that he won’t bother with the changing area and that he’ll start getting undressed while stood right next to me. My initial reaction was to jump out of the nearest window but then I decided that I’d pretend I hadn’t seen what he was doing and I’d walk off casually, luckily he put his clothes back on and left.
After Gaz put in his order for the suit we went to the Bull-Ring for a little look around the shops, it was while we were fighting through the crowds that I came to the conclusion that there are 3 types of people who like to annoy you in shopping centres:
1. The Zig-Zag - This person is unpredictable and will suddenly change direction just as they are in front of you, or more than likely will change their direction to walk right into you.
2. The Chain - This is always made up of a group of 2 or more people walking slowly, usually holding hands, they form a human chain which results into you having to take a detour to overtake them.
3. The Full-Stop - A method usually chosen by the elderly, the person suddenly screeches to a complete halt right in front of you, this causes you to stop and try and overtake them as they are staring into space.
After encountering all 3 types we got into HMV where I saw the Mighty Boosh series 2 on DVD for £10, considering that series 1 was £10 too but the box set of series 1+2 together was £25 I considered this a bargain and bought it.
Friday I went into Solihull to look at the jobs once again, I’d like to talk about it but it was so boring an non-eventful that I might just bore you to death. Instead I’ll leave you with a whole episode of the Mighty Boosh. I spoil you guys, I really do!
Well after spending the last few months in search of work and not being able to find a damn thing I’ve decided to take another look at the situation. I really want to put my photography HND to good use especially after 3 years of hard work at college for it, the only problem is that no jobs seem to be going and those that are either don’t bother getting in touch again or are completely different jobs altogether.
My aunt lives in London and is a photographer, all I knew was that she did some stuff in theatres because she used to be an actress but I never thought it was anything major. She found out about my HND in photography and said she’d take me to some photo-calls in London so I can sell my images off to the press. I wasn’t too keen until I checked out her website, not only had she done a tonne of work which was really good, she’s also taken the portfolio photos for Imelda Staunton, Ewan McGregor, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Patsy Palmer, Ike Turner, John Culshaw, Catherine Tate, David Soul as well as loads more. I think that if I go to London to do some work there it won’t be for a while yet but I’m really looking for to it now.
Another option I was considering was to sign on again, it isn’t something I want to do or even like doing but it’s a bit of money to pay for drinks…I mean bus fares to interviews, and I think that when you have no money it shatters your confidence completely so it’s good just to be getting a little every week just to get you out of the house. I went to the job centre and asked about signing on, at first they looked at me confused because computers do everything for them now, but in the end they pointed to the phones and grunted something at me. I phoned a number and was given a telephone interview for claiming JSA (job seeker’s allowance), they asked me a bunch of questions, one of the last ones was if I spoke English, I get the 2nd part of the interview tomorrow afternoon.
On the way home I was thinking back to one of the questions asked…
“Do you have your own business?”
…obviously I don’t but this got me thinking, what if I did have my own business?
For the past few weeks I’ve been restoring old family photos with some being over 100 years old, it’s something I like doing and (without blowing my own trumpet) something I’m pretty good at. If I started my own photo restoration business I could make a fortune, not only are there hardly any outgoing costs (paper, ink, advertising), but you can charge big money for this kind of thing and I could work from home, I think this week I’m going to start researching this a bit more, I’ve just purchased a graphics tablet too so this week I’ll try and upload some of the photos I’ve restored.
Ok, think of the most laughable music genre about…
…Now think of the most laughable artist in that music genre..
…You’re thinking of RnB and R Kelly! As if his career wasn’t a joke in itself, I’ve noticed something he’s done that confirms this. He has put together a series of RnB songs which tell a story, a sort of hip-hop opera…or a ‘hip-hopera’.
There are 12 episodes of this, now it might seem a little boring at first but I urge you to keep watching and listening as it gets good, especially for the cliff hangers at the end of each episodes (especially episodes 7 and 9).
Here they are, enjoy…
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
…It’s things like these which make something like this brilliant…
I’ve just finished speaking on the phone to one of those telephone sales companies, you know the type, you get some Asian guy trying to make you upgrade your phone to the latest model with so many free minutes.
Well I picked up the phone and he started speaking and the conversation went something like this…
“Hello?” “Hello?…um…I’m calling on behalf of ***** networks and your number has been specially select to receive free phone with 800 minutes per month, can you confirm that you are…Lisa Robinson?” “No.” “Good, this is the latest model, it has (blah blah blah)” “Wonderful, where did you get my number?” “Number?…er…is your number…121*******?” “Close…where are you calling from?” “UK” “Where in the UK?” “Essex, UK…this phone comes with 800...” “Look, can you stop these calls? We get them every day and we’re not interested” “But the phone has…” “I don’t care what the phone has, just stop calling.” “Hello?…” “Did you hear me? Stop calling!” “…Hello?…” “Goodbye!” “Hello, can you confirm your address as…” “My address? Look, we’re not interested!” “Can you confirm that you are Lisa Robinson?” “(laughing) Do I sound like a Lisa Robinson?” “(also laughing) Sorry, can you hold the line please?…Hello?” “(still laughing) Now can you stop calling please?” “Hello?…Why are you laughing at me Lisa Robinson?” “Because you won’t listen” “Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?” “Hello, now goodbye!” “Hello? Are you using a mobile?” “Not right now.” “Hello? Are you using a land line then? Yes? So you spend £30-£40 a month on your land line, is this correct?” “No.” “Because with this phone if you spend £17 a month you can get…” “I don’t want a new phone, nobody in this house does, you’re wasting your time.” “Hello? Hello? Hello?” “Don’t call again, ok?” “Hello? But…” “No, take us off your list, I’m hanging up now.” “Hello? Hello? Hello?” “Goodbye!” “Hello? Hello?…”
I should have hung up from the start, but these phone calls can be so amusing at times, I actually look forward to getting them, they can be so funny.
So anyway, I’ve not blogged for a week, so I think it’s time to update you all about my busy life…actually, the past week has been rather mundane, we haven’t been out in the evenings due to Gareth’s car being off the road and everyone else being busy.
I’m still looking for work, nothing seems to be going though, I saw another photography job advertised in Solihull but it turned out to be telephone sales job where I’d be phoning people to get them to have their photo’s taken, the job title was ‘Photographer’ though…hello?
I treated myself to a DVD last week, I got My Name Is Earl from Fopp, it has to be one of the funniest things around at the moment, and if you’ve never seen an episode then let me tell you what it’s about. Basically it’s a comedy about a guy who did nothing but bad stuff and was sick of having bad things happen to him, until he hears about karma and starts making up for all the bad things he’s done. Here’s a video of some clips...
So it’s Monday again, the start of a brand new week and the end of an old one. In fact it was quite a good week really, and it ended pretty well too.
Friday night we were going to see Jimmy Carr at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham. Gaz turned up at my house first and we watched Mallrats while we waited for Adam and Jo. When they got here we ordered a taxi, double checked we had the tickets and headed off to the city centre.
When we got to the Symphony Hall we met up with Mike and a few other people Adam works with before taking our seats. The Symphony Hall was really impressive, it was completely round and had 3 or 4 levels, there were also 3 humongous speakers hanging from the ceiling too which if they fell would squash you in an instant. I got my camera ready to take a photo but the lights dimmed and the show was about to start.
Jimmy Carr was hilarious, not the kind of comedy to watch with your mum, in fact mentioning one’s mother in front of him might get him started. He has such a sharp sense of humour though, he actually encouraged hecklers and could pick them apart to nothing, I can imagine he’s the kind of guy who you’d want on your side in an argument.
I don’t think I can repeat any of the jokes he said as I’d probably get some sort of backlash from just about every sort of demographic, but I think you can safely say that nearly every joke was greeted with an equal number of ‘ooh’s as laughs.
After the show I picked up a program and we headed off to the flapper to meet Luke, on the way there a fat woman overheard Adam talking to Luke on the phone about meeting in the flapper, she told us that we could no longer access it by cutting across the flats and that we had to take the long way round, we took the long way as she walked towards the flats, I think she just said that because she probably lives there and hates seeing people walk past every night.
After meeting Luke, having a quick drink and watching Jo graffiti something disgusting on the table we headed towards the Mailbox to catch a taxi, surely enough we could get through by cutting across the flats, the urge to shout ‘YOUBIGFATLYINGBITCH’ at the top of my lungs had to be held back though as it was late and no doubt there were babies asleep.
Saturday morning my dad came to visit for the day, he turned up early because he needed to be back that evening. In the afternoon I went with my family for a meal at Jimmy Spices, if you’ve not heard of Jimmy Spices before basically it’s a buffet with Indian, Chinese, Thai and Italian food.
We got there at 5 just as it was opening, when we sat down they were still putting the food out so we ordered drinks, however the waiter managed to spill mine missing my lap by inches. After being given a new table and a new drink we decided to see what food they had on offer.
I kept the starter pretty basic so I had room for the main course but I noticed they had feta cheese so I tried a little, it must be the most mature cheese I’ve ever tasted and I really like mature cheese, but this was enough to knock your socks off.
For the main course I tried a bit of this and a bit of that, I saw some Italian fish steaks which looked really nice so I picked some up and so did my sister, when we sat down I tried the fish and it was delicious, so I kept eating until I realized it was hotter than I’d expected. My sister said to me…
“What’s wrong?” “The fish is really hot!” “No it isn’t (putting it into her mouth)…Yes it is!”
I’ve never seen anyone drink a glass of wine so fast in all my life.
We decided to go back and find something else to eat, my sister had them make her a pizza from fresh and cook it in front of her and I created my own stir fry for the chef to cook up for me in about 30 seconds.
We then sampled the desserts they had on offer, luckily they had cake, if I see cake at a buffet then they can only prey that there is enough, luckily there was and I reached the point where I couldn’t eat any more.
As we were leaving we noticed the queues were going all the way out of the restaurant and into the street, unfortunately everybody had planned to go there for Jenny’s birthday that evening (hence us not going to the greyhounds), I hope they managed to get in.
When we got back I fell straight to sleep and my dad headed off home, I think I’d eaten enough food to last me until my 26th birthday.
As I write this I’ve just got back from the bank to pay a cheque in. I hate banks, especially my local branch, it seems like a place for the bank staff to catch up on the local gossip and watch people queue up and get pissed off, I felt like telling everyone to shut up and let me have my money…although there is an idea! I wish it could be a trendy wine bar.
I’ll start this blog off by saying a big thank you to everybody who wished me a happy birthday, unfortunately I had no credit to text anyone back and say thanks so just in case people were thinking I was being rude and not replying, now you know why.
So I’ll tell you about the rest of my birthday. In the afternoon I decided that staying in on my 25th was a bit depressing so I’d go into Solihull and spend a bit of birthday money. When I got there I was walking across Mell Square only to discover that a film crew were interviewing somebody and I’d walked right past in the background, the urge came to moon them but I decided that it was too cold for any of that nonsense.
The main reason I went into Solihull was to buy a graphics tablet for my digital imaging work, however nobody seems to sell them in Solihull so I’ll probably have to buy one off the internet. In the end I decided to treat myself to a DVD, Mallrats was going in Fopp for a fiver so I got that. I then went into the job centre (I seem to be in there every birthday) and I saw a job going for another photography job in Solihull, this time doing portraits.
In the evening I wanted to either go to the greyhounds or to see Distophia play at the jug, however my sister was treating me to a takeaway and we had a decorator coming round, so by the time all that was done it had gone 9:30 and I felt too exhausted. My dad rang me to say happy birthday and to ask about how windows media player gets the song titles, so after I talked him into giving iTunes a try it was 10:30 and the shoes were officially off.
I’ll probably be going to the greyhounds on Saturday now, Carl is back for the weekend so it would work better like that. I’m seeing Jimmy Carr tonight too which I’m really excited about, I hope I get an autograph from his hair.
My dad is coming over tomorrow so I’d better start tidying now.
Well this morning I woke up a year older. It’s my 25th birthday, one that I can’t say I’ve been looking forward to. 24 can just about class as early twenties but there is no escaping the fact that 25 puts me in the mid-twenties group, soon it will be late twenties and I’d have to talk about mortgages and pensions and depressing stuff like that.
So anyway, I got up this morning hoping to go downstairs and find mountains of presents to unwrap, I opened the door…nothing. There wasn’t even any sign of my mum. Feeling a bit cheated and to double check the date I went back upstairs only to hear the sound of sellotape being torn off the roll and my mum frantically wrapping presents.
When she came downstairs it was time to put all that wrapping to waste and to tear the paper off, my mum got me the Peter Kay auto-biography which I’ve started reading and is hilarious, I think I’ll get through this a lot faster than the Da Vinci Code (I’ve nearly finished it, I swear!), she also got me a jumper and some chocolates. My sister got me the 2nd series of Peep Show on DVD, which no doubt she’ll be borrowing in the not too distant future.
Hopefully birthday celebrations will continue tonight either at the jug watching Distophia play, or at the greyhounds trying to earn a bit of money and freeze our asses off.
…Oh and don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you read my blog in the past few days you would have noticed that I said I felt like the blog needed a bit of a facelift, I originally meant a new logo or something but in the end I decided to push the boat out and give it a facelift that even Michael Jackson would be jealous of.
I was looking at the old layout and it felt messy and childish, I needed one colour and to stick with it, plus also I didn’t like those curved edges, curved edges are for pussies, from now on it’s sharp edges all the way baby!
