I'm Not The Kind Of Guy Who Likes To Go To Work, It's Just I Need The Money, Oh I Don't Know Why You Find That So Funny...
So In the past 2 weeks I have quite a few things to update you with.
I had my interviews, the first one didn’t go according to plan, after turning up late (it wasn’t my fault) and then accidentally swearing while being interviewed (damn tourette’s), they asked me some strange questions like ‘Which company do you want to work for?’, surely they weren’t THAT good.
Then they put me on a typing speed test, I couldn’t mess this up if I tried…or could I?
Halfway through the test my phone started to go off, normally I would ignore it and just let it ring out but I was expecting an important call about a job I had applied for and didn’t want to miss it. It was one of those situations where you just cant decide what to do, but in the end I finished the test and they left a voicemail. After the test was done I checked my voicemail to find a message from some woman in London asking for ‘Motty’ about buying a bike, it was a bloody wrong number…typical!
The next day I had another interview, this time I turned my phone off and got all the swearing out of my system before I got there. Without even having to do any tests or get any references they gave me a temporary job starting that Friday for a week. I was so chuffed that I bought the Da Vinci Code to read on the way home.
That Friday I started this temporary job, it was in the offices for Cleanaway - a company that deals with the collection of rubbish bags in Solihull (my careers adviser wasn’t far off). I had to deal with complaints off people in Solihull, Knowle, Chemsley Wood and Castle Bromwich, most of the calls were about people not having their rubbish collected. At first to have some angry brummy yelling down your ear seemed a bit worrying but after a while I got used to it and started to enjoy making hand gestures at them over the phone while they were yelling.
I did get some weird calls though, here’s a selection of them:
“Good afternoon, Cleanaway.”
“I’ve been on holiday and I got back today, I missed the rubbish collection and put my bags out and they still haven’t been collected.”
“I’m sorry but if you put your bags out after they have been then your bags can’t be collected until next week.”
“That’s no good, I want someone to come out and collect them right now!”
“Just for you?”
“Yes, I pay my council tax and I expect my rubbish to be collected.”
“I’m sorry but it doesn’t quite work like that.”
“Well it jolly well should, I live in Knowle!”
“…and?…”
“And I want my rubbish collected!”
“May I ask how many bags you have?”
“One.”
“So you want someone to drive all the way over to Knowle, to pick up one bag of rubbish?”
“Yes.”
“Could you hold the line please?”
At this point I decided to put the fool on hold and go to the toilet and make myself a coffee, when I got back he had hung up. After looking at his record of complaints he had made over 30 in the past 3 years.
“Good morning, Cleanaway.”
“Yes, I want to make a complaint, my garden waste wasn’t collected today, I want someone to come and collect it.”
“Ok, can I take your address please?”
“No.”
“If I don’t have your address then I can’t send anyone out to pick it up.”
“…*click*…”
“Good afternoon, Cleanaway.”
“You didn’t take my rubbish.”
“Can I have your address please?”
“Yes, it’s number 8, opposite the chip shop.”
I noticed that 99% of the complaints were from Knowle, and it was all the people with money that wanted the free bin liners which made me realize that money turns you into an asshole, which also made me glad that it was only a temporary job.
I also had a bit of surprising news the other day, I was on my lunch break and I bumped into Claire off my course and she congratulated me on passing my course. I told her not to bother because I failed and she told me I’d passed, she’s seen my certificate and somehow apparently I’ve passed.
…I’m in shock.
