Well my cold has all cleared up now so it’s time to blog again, yes I know this is backdated but you’ll just have to put up with it.
Ok, so last Tuesday I had to sign on again, for some reason I was really paranoid that they’d ask for a detailed essay about everything I’ve been doing in the past 2 weeks to look for work. After coming up with a story about my holy quest for a job I got to the job centre and took a seat…
“Mr Robinson please!…” “Hi” “Hello…” “The past 2 weeks I’ve been looking…” “Sign here please” “Huh?” *makes an X on the line* “Just here” *signs* “Next please!” So that was a weight off my shoulders and a rather easy £115, they didn’t ask what I’d done or even check my book. I decided that I’d buy a DVD to celebrate so I bought season 4 of Family Guy.
That night me and Gaz turned up at Adam’s house, he’d just bought season 5 of Family Guy on DVD so we watched a few episodes of that before heading off to the plough.
The rest of my week was pretty boring, although on Saturday evening a fuse blew which meant we had no electricity upstairs or in the kitchen, we had fuse wire to fix it but the porcelain that the fuse wire had to go through had cracked in half…that was my excitement for the day anyway.
I also watched Garden State which was really good, it’s slightly weird in places but on my watch that’s a good thing. Here’s a trailer…
On Sunday we’d all planned to go to the memorabilia exhibition at the NEC, Gaz picked me up and we headed off to Marcus’ house to pick him up with Jenny. When we got to his house Gaz phoned him and Jenny said they’d be out in a minute…20 minutes later we were starting to wonder if they knew where the front door was, we sounded the horn to give them some clue but there was still no sign of them. Jenny then rang Gaz asking where he was because she couldn’t see him, then we realized that they were at Jenny’s house, not Marcus’.
We decided to make our own way to the NEC and Jenny and Marcus could meet us there. After queuing ages for a cash machine and having a quick subway we headed off to buy our tickets, luckily we didn’t have to queue and we got right in.
The first thing we saw was the Tardis, I wanted to walk inside pretending it was a portaloo and then open the door a few minutes later asking if anybody had any paper, but I didn’t want to be beaten to death by Dr Who fanatics so I decided to leave it. We then saw some celebrities, first of all there was David Carradine, Leslie Phillips and David Prowse, then as we were moving on we got attacked by some Daleks…well I say attacked, it was more like they parked in front of us and we had to walk round them, either way it still was an inconvenience.
After that we visited the sports section, Joe Frazier was signing boxing gloves for about £50 each, he also had about 20 bodyguards…probably in case people were unhappy about paying £50 and caused a scene.
Next up was the James Bond section, Gaz got to fire off some of the guns they had there before having a second go and totally annihilating the paper target they had put up. As he finished some Stormtroopers were about to have a go, Gaz saw them and shouted…“Stormtroopers can’t shoot for shit!”, hearing this one of the Strormtroopers turned round to see Gaz pointing at me, the next thing I know I have a gun held to my head and am told to get down on my knees, I don’t know which I was more scared of - the gun against my head or the fact I had to get down on my knees.
After making a quick escape we all regrouped near some seats where we could see Darth Maul eating his lunch, it always makes me wonder if they have to go home on the bus dressed like that.
On the way out we saw R2D2, he whizzed round whistling and beeping at little kids (I bet he was really swearing at them), he then went up to us and said something about my mother, I would have kicked his ass if he had one.
Afterwards we went back to Gaz’s house and watched Phantom of the Opera before playing on Superman on the Xbox 360, by this time we were all thoroughly knackered and all needed our sleep.
Until next time check out this cool new movie starring Rob Schneider…
So I leave my deathbed for a few minutes to write this blog…ok, so it’s not a deathbed as such, but I do have a nasty cold and was lying down on the settee.
So going back to last Monday, Gaz and I went to Adam’s house en route to the pub, when we got there Adam was playing Grow on the PC, so after helping him complete all of the versions and viewing some funny videos on Youtube we realized that we’d missed last orders and it wasn’t worth going. But on the positive side we had saved ourselves a few pounds and had seen possibly the funniest video ever…
Because on Tuesday night Adam was seeing Muse with Jo, Gemma and Woody, we had to come up with an idea that didn’t involve all meeting at Adam’s house first. Me and Gaz went round Marcus’ house, he showed us the music he’s been doing for the choir this Christmas, Gaz then showed Marcus how to play Axel F on the keyboard, as he was doing this he had a phone call from the Marshall twins asking if we fancied going to the Reservoir.
The Reservoir was…well…the Reservoir really, luckily it wasn’t too busy and we got a seat by the fire. I sometimes forget that Julia and Nicola went to Woodrush too so we ended up chatting about our school days all evening, looking back it’s all rather weird, 10 years ago we were going to school every day, now we’re all sat in the pub reminiscing about those days, and to think that Gaz teaches there now is even weirder.
On Wednesday I needed to go out and look for work, even though I’m still planning on starting this business I need to be looking for work to qualify for job seeker’s allowance…and save up for an A3 printer…oh wait, did I say that out loud? Anyway while I was in the job centre my phone rang…
“Hello?” “Hi John, this is Claire from Adecco, we just wondered if you were still looking for work…?” (looking over at the JSA desk) “Hello ADECCO THE STAFF AGENCY…YES I AM STILL LOOKING FOR WORK!” “Err…ok…”
Now the reason I did this is not because I’m retarded, but because when you’re signing on you get the feeling that every time you tell them you’ve been looking for work, now matter how hard you’ve tried they never believe you, it seemed like a good idea to make a big scene out of answering the phone like that at the time…but all I got from it was a few funny looks and a security guard asking if I was ok.
On Thursday I finally finished doing a piece of vector art for my Myspace page, it took me 2 days to do but in quite pleased with the finished result, I’ll do some more to upload over the next few weeks too
Friday was Selena’s (Gaz’s sister) 21st birthday party, I’d been quite looking forward to this for a while, but typically I woke up on Friday morning with a really bad throat, I decided to take lots of Strepsils and still go. About an hour before starting out I had a lie down hoping it would make me feel better…I woke up feeling 100 times worse and decided that I’d be better off staying home.
…Hence me being in my death bed now. In fact it’s given me the opportunity to watch 2 films I’ve been wanting to see in a while and to get a higher ranking (at last) on Battlefield 2.
The first film I saw was Battle Royale 2: Requiem, now I am a huge fan of the first film and I was absolutely aching to see the sequel, in fact I came close to buying it on DVD until I saw it advertised on TV. I’m glad I didn’t waste my money because it was awful, the first half hour or so were ok, but I spent the last half of the film just wishing for it to end. If you are feeling brave enough not to be bored to death and if you can speak fluent Japanese here’s a trailer…
The other film I saw called The Aristocrats, it was a documentary about an in-joke amongst comedians. Basically the joke has a beginning and an end which don’t change, however the middle bit is purely up to you and has to be as disgusting as you can possibly get. For example…
Start A man walks into a talent agency and tells the agent that he has an act he might be interested in, the agent asks him to tell him about what it involves.
Middle (This is where you can be as gross as you like, you can make up whatever disgusting and shocking acts you can come up with)
End The agent sits there looking shocked and asks the man what the name of the act was. The man replies “The Aristocrats!”
Ok, maybe it wasn’t so easy for me to describe there so take this example from South Park…
The film was really funny but not something to watch with your mum in the room, I’ll leave you with the trailer for it…
Ok, ok…I know I’ve broken my oath about updating at least once a week, but let me explain…ok, I can’t explain, I just didn’t get round to doing it. But I’m updating this now and it’ll be a big blog too so here’s the deal, make yourself comfortable, get yourself a tea, coffee, whatever, and take the next 20 minutes or so having a good read.
Comfortable?…then we shall begin…
Last weekend we arranged to have some fireworks round Adam’s house. Me, Gaz, Marcus, Jo and Jenny turned up with the ammunition, Marcus had invested in a firework which was about a foot tall and had to be kept inside a metal case which resembled something which you might see at an Anne Summers party for elephants.
We stood in the garden and set off the smaller ones first, they were just like warm up ones for the big mothers really. We set up the first big one, lit it and all stood back. As I was photographing it I saw something out of the corner of my eye by my leg, a firework had toppled over in the wet ground and decided it wanted to kill us all. After all running in screaming we decided to be a bit more safer around these things…especially around the elephant dildo.
After using half of the fireworks and deciding that we were all about to lose toes to frostbite we headed off to the Red Lion for a quick drink and a few games of pool, it took me about an hour to get any feeling back in my toes but thankfully none of them turned black.
Sunday morning I woke up about 10ish to hear my mum shouting up the stairs at me to get up…it was only 10am, something had to be up.
I went downstairs and my mum told me we had a problem, I looked in the kitchen and saw a big puddle of water by the sink. I opened the cupboard and saw some water tricking out of a pipe. I tried turning the valve off to isolate the pipe but it wouldn’t turn, I tried harder and it got worse. I phoned my dad for assistance and he told me that if the valve couldn’t be turned off we should turn it off at the mains and get a plumber to come out.
Problem #1: We have no mains tap, the only way to turn if off is on the street and that means the street has no water either.
Problem #2: It was Sunday, this meant plumbers could charge as much as they want.
We called one plumber who said he’d be round in 15 minutes, in this time I thought I’d try that valve again, it moved quite a bit, unfortunately the water started gushing and the kitchen was flooded, I tried turning it the other way…nothing. I turned the bath on full blast to alter the water pressure and just had to wait for the plumber. He fixed it pretty quickly and only charged £35 too. Is it wrong to say that all this time I was thirsty?
On Saturday evening we were all taking about seeing Borat at the cinema on Monday, I was really looking forward to this as it looked really good. Monday evening I got the times of the film and then found out that Jenny wanted to see Saw 3 instead, I was a little bit disappointed as I was really looking forward to seeing Borat, but I was outvoted and decided that I’d see Saw 3 anyway. The film wasn’t as good as the previous 2 Saw films, I felt that they sacrificed the storyline just for the gore and the gruesome bits.
Tuesday morning I got up early so that I could be at the job centre to sign on, I picked up my book and realized that I got the time completely wrong and that I had to be there at 2:50...back to bed. When I got to the job centre it was all fairly straightforward, it seemed more like a 10 minute chat, I was going to suggest tea and biscuits but I thought I might be pushing my luck.
In the evening I went with Adam and Gaz to Wetherspoons in Solihull. It wasn’t too crowded and we even managed to get a booth. After looking at the food menu we decided to all go for the burger and drink for £3.99 offer, it felt like years since I had a burger that nice, I felt so full up afterwards though. Afterwards we all walked…or waddled back to the car to watch some episodes of Wildboys at Adam’s house.
On Monday evening we were all taking about seeing Borat at the cinema on Wednesday, I was really looking forward to this as it looked really good. Wednesday evening I got the times of the film and then found out that Jenny planned for us all to go to the pub quiz instead, I was a little bit disappointed as I was really looking forward to seeing Borat, but I was outvoted and decided that I’d see stay at home instead…do you see a pattern emerging here?
Thursday evening Adam phones me saying that he was going to see Borat at the cinema with Steve from work if I fancied coming along, I said hell yes and met them in Solihull, we were later joined by Marcus and Jenny, they sat away from us though as they couldn’t see where we were sat.
The film was every bit as good as I hoped it would be, it’ll make you laugh, cry and vomit. In fact it was so good that I want to see it again. Nobody should go through life without seeing this film.
Actually on the subject of Borat, I found this website the other day, have a look at it…*click*
After the film we all went to Casa, it was a shithole, they played really loud dance music, although nobody was dancing. Even though we were only in there 45 minutes they played that ‘Put your hands up for Detroit’ song 3 times, I couldn’t wait to leave, I felt really out of place there.
Yesterday morning I woke up with a migraine, unfortunately this was the same day that my mum wanted to rearrange the whole lounge, after helping her I was ready to die. I had a sleep and then found out that my mum and sister were both going to visit my nan, I decided that maybe if I had a walk down the road with them I’d feel better. When we got there my aunt was there too, should brought a bottle of whiskey with her which was just what the doctor ordered…stupidly I should have eaten during the day so by the time we left I was finding it hard to walk in a straight line.
In my last blog I mentioned that I had an interview the next day about job seeker’s allowance. Monday morning I got up early, rushed out of the house and got the bus into Solihull. I got to the job centre and was told to take a seat, unfortunately the seats were attached to the floor so I decided to sit down instead…well at least I found that funny!
Anyway, after waiting about 20 minutes they called me over to talk me through my claim, the man I had to speak to looked and spoke just like Derek Acorah, luckily he didn’t become possessed during the interview. He scanned through my form and said that I’d be ok to sign on, he then told me to take a seat again while I waited for the woman to come back from her break so I could go over what work I was looking for.
Just as I’d nearly unscrewed the chair from the floor the woman called me over. She asked me a few questions, one bizarrely being if I had any O-levels, I reminded her that I’m only 25 and they are called GCSE’s now. She gave me my JSA book and I was free to go, I needed to change a £10 note for bus fare first so I bought Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back on DVD.
That evening me, Gaz, Adam, Marcus and Jenny all went bowling. This was the first time we’d all been out in almost a month due to Adam, Marcus and Jenny being in Italy for the past couple of weeks.
As we were bowling our ears were being entertained by the delights of a video jukebox, however some idiot…no I feel that using the word idiot to describe this person is unfair to idiots…this #*!% spent £2 choosing 6 Sean Paul songs in a row. Now I really hate Sean Paul and to hear one of his songs is bad enough, all of his songs are just retarded mumblings which sound like they were written by a 2 year old…in fact, I reckon a 2 year old could write and sing a better song than that silly little wanker.
The photo restoration is still going well, I’m currently downloading Dreamweaver, if it installs properly then this week I’ll design a website for the photo restoration business. Also if anybody has any ideas for a name for the business it would be a great help, as of right now I can’t even think of one.
Before I go I promised Gaz that I’d upload the episode of South Park about World of Warcraft so here it is…
The first thing we saw was the Tardis, I wanted to walk inside pretending it was a portaloo and then open the door a few minutes later asking if anybody had any paper, but I didn’t want to be beaten to death by Dr Who fanatics so I decided to leave it.
Next up was the James Bond section, Gaz got to fire off some of the guns they had there before having a second go and totally annihilating the paper target they had put up. As he finished some Stormtroopers were about to have a go, Gaz saw them and shouted…“Stormtroopers can’t shoot for shit!”, hearing this one of the Strormtroopers turned round to see Gaz pointing at me, the next thing I know I have a gun held to my head and am told to get down on my knees, I don’t know which I was more scared of - the gun against my head or the fact I had to get down on my knees.
After making a quick escape we all regrouped near some seats where we could see Darth Maul eating his lunch, it always makes me wonder if they have to go home on the bus dressed like that.
On the way out we saw R2D2, he whizzed round whistling and beeping at little kids (I bet he was really swearing at them), he then went up to us and said something about my mother, I would have kicked his ass if he had one.
