It's Tourniquet By Crochet, My Waters Break, Don't Drive For Pity's Sake...

So I leave my deathbed for a few minutes to write this blog…ok, so it’s not a deathbed as such, but I do have a nasty cold and was lying down on the settee.

So going back to last Monday, Gaz and I went to Adam’s house en route to the pub, when we got there Adam was playing Grow on the PC, so after helping him complete all of the versions and viewing some funny videos on Youtube we realized that we’d missed last orders and it wasn’t worth going. But on the positive side we had saved ourselves a few pounds and had seen possibly the funniest video ever…



Because on Tuesday night Adam was seeing Muse with Jo, Gemma and Woody, we had to come up with an idea that didn’t involve all meeting at Adam’s house first. Me and Gaz went round Marcus’ house, he showed us the music he’s been doing for the choir this Christmas, Gaz then showed Marcus how to play Axel F on the keyboard, as he was doing this he had a phone call from the Marshall twins asking if we fancied going to the Reservoir.

The Reservoir was…well…the Reservoir really, luckily it wasn’t too busy and we got a seat by the fire. I sometimes forget that Julia and Nicola went to Woodrush too so we ended up chatting about our school days all evening, looking back it’s all rather weird, 10 years ago we were going to school every day, now we’re all sat in the pub reminiscing about those days, and to think that Gaz teaches there now is even weirder.

On Wednesday I needed to go out and look for work, even though I’m still planning on starting this business I need to be looking for work to qualify for job seeker’s allowance…and save up for an A3 printer…oh wait, did I say that out loud? Anyway while I was in the job centre my phone rang…

“Hello?”
“Hi John, this is Claire from Adecco, we just wondered if you were still looking for work…?”
(looking over at the JSA desk) “Hello ADECCO THE STAFF AGENCY…YES I AM STILL LOOKING FOR WORK!”
“Err…ok…”

Now the reason I did this is not because I’m retarded, but because when you’re signing on you get the feeling that every time you tell them you’ve been looking for work, now matter how hard you’ve tried they never believe you, it seemed like a good idea to make a big scene out of answering the phone like that at the time…but all I got from it was a few funny looks and a security guard asking if I was ok.

On Thursday I finally finished doing a piece of vector art for my Myspace page, it took me 2 days to do but in quite pleased with the finished result, I’ll do some more to upload over the next few weeks too

Friday was Selena’s (Gaz’s sister) 21st birthday party, I’d been quite looking forward to this for a while, but typically I woke up on Friday morning with a really bad throat, I decided to take lots of Strepsils and still go. About an hour before starting out I had a lie down hoping it would make me feel better…I woke up feeling 100 times worse and decided that I’d be better off staying home.

…Hence me being in my death bed now. In fact it’s given me the opportunity to watch 2 films I’ve been wanting to see in a while and to get a higher ranking (at last) on Battlefield 2.

The first film I saw was Battle Royale 2: Requiem, now I am a huge fan of the first film and I was absolutely aching to see the sequel, in fact I came close to buying it on DVD until I saw it advertised on TV. I’m glad I didn’t waste my money because it was awful, the first half hour or so were ok, but I spent the last half of the film just wishing for it to end. If you are feeling brave enough not to be bored to death and if you can speak fluent Japanese here’s a trailer…



The other film I saw called The Aristocrats, it was a documentary about an in-joke amongst comedians. Basically the joke has a beginning and an end which don’t change, however the middle bit is purely up to you and has to be as disgusting as you can possibly get. For example…

Start
A man walks into a talent agency and tells the agent that he has an act he might be interested in, the agent asks him to tell him about what it involves.

Middle
(This is where you can be as gross as you like, you can make up whatever disgusting and shocking acts you can come up with)

End
The agent sits there looking shocked and asks the man what the name of the act was. The man replies “The Aristocrats!”

Ok, maybe it wasn’t so easy for me to describe there so take this example from South Park…



The film was really funny but not something to watch with your mum in the room, I’ll leave you with the trailer for it…



I’m off to get some more Lemsip now.

…I don’t get it!