It's Worse Than That, He's Dead, Jim...

It’s been 2 weeks since my last blog so I’ve decided to update it, I mean it would make sense really wouldn’t it.

So lets go back to last Monday, my mum had a few days booked off work so she decided to spend the week up at my uncle’s flat in Dundee, she left on the Monday morning in a panic in case she missed her coach, as she went I told her to be careful of the crocodiles (I don’t think she got that) and organised the party…I kid, we had no party really, I was just pleased to see her go…I mean I was just pleased that she was having a well deserved break.

That night we all went to see 300 at the cinema, I made the fatal error though of falling asleep in the first 5 minutes only to be woken up about 10 minutes later by an excited chuckle coming from Marcus when some boobs were on screen. From what I could make of the film though it seemed ok, a bit gory in places, in case you’re interested here’s a slightly toned down version of the trailer…



After the film we headed to wetherspoons for a drink, while we were in there Gaz was about to sit down and a voice behind him shouted out…

“Oi! You’re a twat!…”
“I’m sorry do you mean me?”
“Yeah, you’re a twat!”

Gaz sat down slightly puzzled, at first we all presumed that Gaz knew him but then we realized it was just a drunk local troglodyte, it seemed weird though as there’s never any trouble there.

Anyway the next night we went to wetherspoons again and as we were all talking we heard a crash on our table, some dickhead had thrown an orange and it had knocked Gaz’s glass over. Now from what I’ve learnt over the years I know that if someone does something like that they do it for a reaction, they want you to rise to the bait, the best thing to do is to ignore it, and ignore it is what I did, however nobody else had the same idea as me and as Marcus was muttering that he’d kill them if they tried it again…they tried it again…so we went to the masons instead, I mean nobody wants a murder to ruin their Tuesday night out.

The rest of the week was pretty dull, it was mainly spent cooking, cleaning, washing stuff, etc. we coped pretty well really, it’s all good practice for when I eventually move out. We did have one mishap though, but it was my sister’s fault, she managed to knock over a bottle of cooking oil and (as always) I had to clean it up, you’d never believe how hard it is to clean cooking oil off lino.

My mum came back on Saturday, my nan told me she’d be back at 7 and my sister told me it was 8 but I was positive it was 5, sure enough I was right and the place was a mess, I think my mum was too tired to notice though, she was just surprised that the house was still in one piece.

Last Sunday I went with Adam, Gaz and Carl to Memorabilia at the NEC, it was pretty much the same as last time really, there were the usual Stormtroopers and Klingons everywhere, however there was a fat Power Ranger walking round with a backpack, wellies and carrying a Millers carrier bag, now my memory of Power Rangers isn’t all that good, but I’m pretty sure that I never saw him in it.

Other things we saw there included a replica DeLorean from the Back to the Future films, Kenny Baker and his wife eating their lunch on the table next to ours in the canteen, Jack LaMotta - the boxer who Raging Bull was based on…and a Dalek with erectile dysfunction.

On the way out me and Gaz were stood in the queue for the cash point, while we were stood there we were approached by a couple of Storm troopers (I bet they take note of your pin number and then beat you up and steal your card once you leave), Gaz went up to one and asked him if he could go up to Adam and cause a bit of a scene with his gun…instead the Stormtrooper held the gun up to Gaz while I took the photo, I felt like this was poetic justice for what happened last time we went, we then quickly left before he could get Gaz’s card.

When we got back to Carl’s house Gaz got his lightsaber out (I spent 20 minutes trying to think of a way of saying this without it sounding rude), he bought it at the NEC and it looked pretty impressive, I took some photos as he swung it around in the lounge (…I did warn you!).



In the evening Gaz had to go home to pack for his trip to Austria, then Marcus and Jenny joined us for a meal at the black boy in Knowle…or at least that was the plan. When we met them there the placed was full so we went to the heron’s nest instead, this was pretty full too but luckily we found a table, as we were sitting down though Jenny suddenly says “I wanna go for a curry!” only for Marcus to agree, why they didn’t say this earlier I’ll never know but the idea of a curry did sound good so we got back in the car and headed to bilash in Knowle.

After the curry we all bought some drinks and went back to Carl’s for a game of Donkey Konga and Mario Kart, as we were playing Mario Kart Marcus took a sip out of his can and put it next to his foot…now I’m no expert on physics or anything like that, but I’m pretty sure that if you put a can (doesn’t matter what drink it is) next to your foot while you’re concentrating on playing a computer game there’s a pretty good chance of it spilling onto the carpet, this was an accident waiting to happen and sure enough it did.

I had a boring few days after this, we went to the white swan in Wythall on Tuesday, it was alright I guess. I also got to see Gemma for the first time in ages on Tuesday which was good.

Last night I went to the bluebell with Gemma, Woody and Adam, the original plan was to sit outside by the canal but it was freezing so we sat inside. I’d only planned on having one drink that night but as the pub was calling last orders I decided to grab myself a 2nd one, just after I sat back down though Gemma stuck another drink in front of me. I got home and watched Trainspotting before going to bed, I was wide awake though, all that caffeine was enough to keep me awake for a week.

So that’s it for another week or so, I know how sad you are that it has to end but there’ll be another one soon. Have this video to go on with…



I’ve just got Battlefield 2 for the 360 so I’m off to pop a cap in some ass.

…Does Derek win the £20?