I Like To Put Empty Smarties Tubes On Cats Legs To Make Them Walk Like A Robot...

So it’s Monday again, the start of a brand new week and the end of an old one. In fact it was quite a good week really, and it ended pretty well too.

Friday night we were going to see Jimmy Carr at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham. Gaz turned up at my house first and we watched Mallrats while we waited for Adam and Jo. When they got here we ordered a taxi, double checked we had the tickets and headed off to the city centre.

When we got to the Symphony Hall we met up with Mike and a few other people Adam works with before taking our seats. The Symphony Hall was really impressive, it was completely round and had 3 or 4 levels, there were also 3 humongous speakers hanging from the ceiling too which if they fell would squash you in an instant. I got my camera ready to take a photo but the lights dimmed and the show was about to start.

Jimmy Carr was hilarious, not the kind of comedy to watch with your mum, in fact mentioning one’s mother in front of him might get him started. He has such a sharp sense of humour though, he actually encouraged hecklers and could pick them apart to nothing, I can imagine he’s the kind of guy who you’d want on your side in an argument.

I don’t think I can repeat any of the jokes he said as I’d probably get some sort of backlash from just about every sort of demographic, but I think you can safely say that nearly every joke was greeted with an equal number of ‘ooh’s as laughs.

After the show I picked up a program and we headed off to the flapper to meet Luke, on the way there a fat woman overheard Adam talking to Luke on the phone about meeting in the flapper, she told us that we could no longer access it by cutting across the flats and that we had to take the long way round, we took the long way as she walked towards the flats, I think she just said that because she probably lives there and hates seeing people walk past every night.

After meeting Luke, having a quick drink and watching Jo graffiti something disgusting on the table we headed towards the Mailbox to catch a taxi, surely enough we could get through by cutting across the flats, the urge to shout ‘YOUBIGFATLYINGBITCH’ at the top of my lungs had to be held back though as it was late and no doubt there were babies asleep.

Saturday morning my dad came to visit for the day, he turned up early because he needed to be back that evening. In the afternoon I went with my family for a meal at Jimmy Spices, if you’ve not heard of Jimmy Spices before basically it’s a buffet with Indian, Chinese, Thai and Italian food.

We got there at 5 just as it was opening, when we sat down they were still putting the food out so we ordered drinks, however the waiter managed to spill mine missing my lap by inches. After being given a new table and a new drink we decided to see what food they had on offer.

I kept the starter pretty basic so I had room for the main course but I noticed they had feta cheese so I tried a little, it must be the most mature cheese I’ve ever tasted and I really like mature cheese, but this was enough to knock your socks off.

For the main course I tried a bit of this and a bit of that, I saw some Italian fish steaks which looked really nice so I picked some up and so did my sister, when we sat down I tried the fish and it was delicious, so I kept eating until I realized it was hotter than I’d expected. My sister said to me…

“What’s wrong?”
“The fish is really hot!”
“No it isn’t (putting it into her mouth)…Yes it is!”

I’ve never seen anyone drink a glass of wine so fast in all my life.

We decided to go back and find something else to eat, my sister had them make her a pizza from fresh and cook it in front of her and I created my own stir fry for the chef to cook up for me in about 30 seconds.

We then sampled the desserts they had on offer, luckily they had cake, if I see cake at a buffet then they can only prey that there is enough, luckily there was and I reached the point where I couldn’t eat any more.

As we were leaving we noticed the queues were going all the way out of the restaurant and into the street, unfortunately everybody had planned to go there for Jenny’s birthday that evening (hence us not going to the greyhounds), I hope they managed to get in.

When we got back I fell straight to sleep and my dad headed off home, I think I’d eaten enough food to last me until my 26th birthday.

As I write this I’ve just got back from the bank to pay a cheque in. I hate banks, especially my local branch, it seems like a place for the bank staff to catch up on the local gossip and watch people queue up and get pissed off, I felt like telling everyone to shut up and let me have my money…although there is an idea! I wish it could be a trendy wine bar.

…Spiderman!